


Roses, Madmen and Nice Rides

by paperficwriter



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena, ワンパンマン | One-Punch Man
Genre: M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:30:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5931772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperficwriter/pseuds/paperficwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crossover of the world of Revolutionary Girl Utena with the characters and elements of One Punch Man. When Saitama goes back to school at Ohtori University, he finds himself involved in a whole other realm of extracurricular activities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roses, Madmen and Nice Rides

**Author's Note:**

> Or, “Revolutionary, but Only For Fun”
> 
> Recently, Hubs and I have been watching the Utena series, and all I’ve been able to think is, “Could this work? I don’t think so. But…maybe…”
> 
> And then I rewatched the movie, and…well…it happened.

Saitama slipped into the classroom, sliding into the only desk that was open. In the front row. The teacher paused in his lecture to regard him with a leveled gaze.

“Just as a reminder, class,” the professor said through a tight jaw. “Although this is a university, and though you may be paying for this education, it is important that you be on time to every class. Two tardy’s equal one absence. Three absences, and…well. You will have wasted your money.”

Oh, give me a break, Saitama thought as he opened his textbook, ignoring the many younger people looking at him.

Like he even wanted to be there. He had needed to go back to school for business, and when he applied for Ohtori, it was sort of in the back of his head as this bizarre possibility. The brochure had caught his eye because of the gorgeous photographs of the school’s old buildings and classical tower in the center of campus. Not just any campus – a sprawling campus on a hill. With its own forest, supposedly? That must have been a typo. So he applied, and as the rejections came in, the tiny envelopes stacking on his kitchen counter, he forgot about the mysterious school.

Until a package came. Large and bulky. With two things that caught his attention: an offer for a scholarship and a small ring with the crest of a rose on it. He stuck it on his finger while he was reading through some of the materials (he got maybe a page in) and when he tried to take it off, it wouldn’t budge.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” he yelled at no one. And he was strong, too. But no amount of butter, string, ice or lube worked, and he was just glad that it wasn’t huge and gaudy.

After class, he wandered back out for a walk around the grounds. It was a beautiful day, and at the top of the hill around the track, you could get a really great view of the ocean. So he headed in that direction.

It hadn’t seemed at first like he would have a problem getting to class. On paper, it had looked like the campus was on the bus line. It was just…much bigger than he had thought. Every day he had to take two buses from his apartment, and then it was a run up the hill of the main road past the dorms and rec center, then down to his economics class.

He glanced up as he realized he had come to a parking lot. Had he seen it before? He couldn’t recall. Odd. There were about twenty parking spots with clean painted lines on the smooth asphalt. But only one car. But what a car it was.

Saitama didn’t care about cars, generally, but this one…it was sleek, sporty, a gorgeous silver chrome that caught the azure sky. It had black trim that accented its streamlined design, and the headlights shone like gold. He walked around it, glancing inside. Red leather. It was the back of the vehicle that gave him pause, though, because above the bumper was the same crest as the ring he wore: a simple, stylized rose.

“If I had a car like you,” he said quietly, reaching out towards it, “I would never be late.” When he pressed his fingers against the metal, he jumped back. He had felt something, the briefest tremble of a hum…was it on? No. No, there was no one inside. He reached out again.

“What are you doing?!”

Saitama looked over and found the source of the voice. There was another man standing there, dressed in black, his long dark hair catching in the wind. He had a purple scarf that accented moon-like marks under his eyes. BANG! Saitama jerked back as he forcefully kicked the bumper, leaning on it so he was glaring down into his face. “Um…just looking at this car.” Those pants were…very tight. Was this guy some sort of pervert?

“You look with your eyes. Not with your hands.” He jumped up and sat on the hood. Did Saitama really just feel the car…wince?

“Yeah. Sorry.” He stood up and turned to go, taking his hand off the chrome.

“Wait!”

The man was pointing at his hand, at the rose ring. He got a huge, disturbing grin, and he giggled in a way that made Saitama frown. “I didn’t realize you were a hero. You don’t look it at all.”

“A hero?”

“That’s right.” He lifted his hand and removed one of the black leather gloves he was wearing, and the identical ring caught the sunlight. “You are wearing the mark of the rose. So you will have to fight.”

“I don’t think so,” Saitama said, gathering his things. “I have class. And homework. Don’t you have to study?”

When he turned away, the man in black darted into his path, still flashing him that same smile. He was quick, and he looked pretty built too. “No, no, you don’t understand. If you wear that ring, that means that you’re here for the Rose Demon.”

“Rose Demon?”

“And as the current possessor of the Demon, do not think I will let you trick me…acting like you don’t know what this is all about,” the man said. “So this afternoon, in the forest, we fight.”

Saitama blinked. Was he saying what he thought he was saying? “Wait, so…if we fight and I win, I get…your car?”

“If you win,” the man said, smirking.

No more smelly city buses. No more running across campus every morning. No more nasty looks from the teacher.

“Deal!”

—–

“Um. This is not like any forest I’ve seen before.”

Saitama had made it the top of the biggest set of stairs he had ever seen, which had somehow emerged from a fountain at the entrance to the forest. It had all unfolded before him like something from a dream. Even as he stepped onto what appeared to be a huge platform, he wondered if he would wake up with another smashed clock under his fist. He actually pinched himself when he looked up to find a black tower, suspended in the clouds as if God himself were holding it towards the world.

He sensed someone standing near him, and Saitama turned to find what he could only describe as a very beautiful man, watching him with dark, endless eyes. “Oh, um, hi,” Saitama said.

“Hello.” He bowed from the waist. He was wearing a simple, sleeveless shirt, from which emerged two metal arms. He had blonde hair that fell close to his eyes. It looked soft.

“Are you some kind of robot?”

Those heavy eyes didn’t even blink. “I am Genos. It is my great honor and privilege to meet you.”

“Uh…sure. I’m Saitama. I’m supposed to meet…” He slapped his forehead. “Crap, I don’t even know that little guy’s name.”

“You are here to challenge the current champion, the Speed of Sound Sonic, correct?”

“Is that whole thing his name?”

“It is his title.”

Saitama walked over and picked up Genos’s hands. This was getting so weird, he figured he might as well go with it. “Do you have one of those ring things?”

The man gasped. “I…”

“Do I have to fight you first? Because you look really cool, and I don’t really want to.” When he glanced up, he saw that a blush was spreading across the man’s face. He immediately let go. “Sorry.”

Genos seemed to straighten as Saitama felt someone staring at his back. He looked over his shoulder to find Sonic regarding them both with a venomous expression. “You seem to have a real problem touching my things, baldy,” he said. His black clothing seemed even tighter, now accentuated with additional straps and cloth. Yup. Definitely a pervert. “Is that what you’re dueling in? Wow. You really do not belong here at all, do you?”

Saitama looked down at his track suit he used for his daily run. It was clean and newly mended, so he didn’t see the problem. “Is there a dress code?”

Sonic rolled his eyes. “Genos. Prepare the match. I have places to be.”

The metal man approached Sonic first, placing a lush rose on the left side of his chest. It was purple, like that scarf he was still wearing. And did he have a sword?! What the hell kind of school was this?! Sonic glanced around Genos and locked eyes with Saitama as he pulled him into a very deep kiss.

He cleared his throat a bit, trying to swallow the nugget of anger that had seemed to settle there.

When Genos turned to him, he went through the same act of pinning a rose at his breast. “Don’t stab me, okay?” Saitama joked.

“The hero who removes the other’s rose first is the winner of the fight.” Genos seemed to intone the words without joy or spirit. “Any weapons are permissible.” He seemed to glance up and down at Saitama, as if appraising if he had some hidden tricks.

“Guess it’s a good thing I brought my guns to a knife fight,” he said, cracking a smile and flexing just a bit.

Something in Genos’s face relaxed, and he gave him the smallest shadow of a smile. “I hope you fare well, sir.”

Saitama was about to say something but was interrupted by a sudden dark blur as Sonic appeared with them. He struck Genos hard, and he skidded across the ground of the platform, sparks firing from a dent in his side. A hiss of steam escaped the cyborg’s mouth as he struggled to his feet. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Genos?” Sonic asked, disdainfully. “Wishing luck to my competitor? Do not forget yourself again.”

There was that anger again. This time the little ball turned into a grenade, flooding him like no emotion had in a long time. Life was dull and repetitive – look for work, school, eat, study, rinse, repeat. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt anything like this. It was scary, but also exhilarating.

“Hey!” he yelled. “Is that the type of asshole you are? Who beats up his boyfriend?”

Sonic looked dazed for a second, and then he laughed, pulling his katana free. “Boyfriend? You really don’t have a clue!”

He came at him like a shot, and Saitama darted back out of the way, the sword singing in the air. The little rose was still there, and he ran to Genos’s side. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I am…I’m fine,” Genos said. “You should watch yourself.”

“Huh?” Saitama glanced back as Sonic took another swipe at him. He ducked and slid along the ground, the length of blade seeming to hover inches above him. “Oh yeah, good looking out.”

Sonic jumped into the air, then, throwing down what appeared to be numerous throwing stars. Saitama picked one out of the air. “You’re seriously allowed to just carry this stuff on campus?”

“How are you dodging my attacks?!” Sonic growled in frustration.

“I don’t know, dude, you’re just not very fast.” Saitama sidestepped the sword as it came at his face, and he delivered one blow against the flat side, shattering it into a thousand pieces.

“This is your first fight! How are you so strong?” The fighter’s composure now was as broken as his katana, and he came down at Saitama with a powerful kick.

“I didn’t say I’d never fought before. But those were just for fun!”

And because he knew he still had to go home and study, Saitama decided to finish up then, and he delivered one punch (a pretty weak one, by his standards) to the very center of the rose on Sonic’s chest. It burst, its petals scattering in the wind, and Sonic was hurled even farther than Genos had.

—–

It was the most comfortable automobile he had ever been in, and he didn’t even have to adjust the seat as he drove it home. He wished he had hair just so he could get it messed up when he put the top down, the night wind cool on his face. When he got to his apartment building, he stroked the back of it as he headed inside. He stopped when he noticed a license plate that hadn’t been there before.

SENSEI, it read.

“Huh. Weird.”

After he had gotten inside and changed into his pajamas, there was a knock at the door. Strange. It was late, and nobody he knew had this address…

He answered the door cautiously. “Um…Genos. What are you doing here?”

The blonde bowed again deeply. “I have come to live with you, Sensei.”

“Sensei? I’m not…wait, what?”

“You are the champion hero, and as such I am to remain by your side.”

“Wait, did you and Sonic break up? Well, that’s good. That guy’s a dick.”

“We weren’t together. Sonic had won me, as you have now.” He put an almost comically large bag onto the floor. “I am the Rose Demon.”

Saitama stared ahead, feeling a bead of sweat drip down his neck.

“Sensei? Are you all right?”

“You’re…the…car?”

“In a sense. It is a form I possess. A vehicle to bring about the revolution of the world. A tool to be harnessed for the ultimate power to change destiny and fate, to crack the world’s shell. And as the champions challenge one another, I shall stand by the side of he or she that is worthy to wield this power, and – ”

“I was inside of you.”

“Sensei!”

Saitama had sunk very suddenly to the ground and crawled over to his futon. The day had officially crossed a line that he couldn’t deal with anymore. He crawled under the blanket and hid there for a second. When he peeked out, the man was next to him on the floor, head resting on one metal arm. Saitama could not deny that he was…really, really nice to look at. “May I remain here with you, Sensei?” he almost whispered.

Ignoring the shiver that ran up his spine, Saitama replied, “Absolutely not.”

“My role includes other incentives, including a regular stipend for the current champion.”

“Did you bring a toothbrush?”

“Yes, Sensei!”


End file.
